so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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