I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
