he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
