Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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