The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
