My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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