I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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