I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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