Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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