your parents love me but you hate me
I'm jealous of your bromance
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
