There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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