Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
