I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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