We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
