My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Four minutes until I can fart!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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