i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
