and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize