I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
