Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
