Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
