Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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