my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
