i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
