There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
