too bad you live with your parents still
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
