what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
