She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Randomize
