I wish I could punch you in the face.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.