Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.