Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!