you suck at this game today
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.