It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize