what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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