Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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