omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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