I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
