Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
