a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
