Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
