roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
