you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
