Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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