I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
