Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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