Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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