The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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