Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
