omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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