I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
