we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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