i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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