WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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