Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
