OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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