I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
