I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize