VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
