that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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