Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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