they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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