I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
