just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my poor anus
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
