You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
