u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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