@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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