life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
