a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
