I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
