So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
