When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
