oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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