i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
