It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
