He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
